GEYSERLAND GUILD OF WOODWORKERS
A short story by Bob Collins (Stumpy)
He visited the local club infrequently, usually only on special occasions or when he wished to introduce an out of town guest to some of the unique “local atmosphere”. However, once at the club, he was quite prepared to rub shoulders with the ignorant and the uncouth and to enjoy himself. He was a great guy despite his quiet unassuming manner.
One Saturday evening he brought to the club his brother who was on a first visit to the valley. They passed through the main bar with all its noisy crowd of ruffians to sit quietly at an unoccupied table in the near deserted lounge of the building.
Stumpy, who knew Mathew very well and who knew of the brothers visit, though he had never met him, wandered drink in hand and with the light of mischief in his eye up the the table. He sat down opposite the two brothers, ignored the visitor and opened the conversation with Mathew.
“Hello Matt, behaving yourself tonight I see, That’s unusual for you on a Saturday night”. Stumpy turned to the visitor.
“You want to see old Matt here in action most Saturday nights, man, he can pull the birds, he’s a real animal you know and the Sheila’s love it tool”
A little red faced and mildly embarrassed at this example of blatant lying, Mathew introduced to Stumpy the visitor, explaining he was his brother. Stumpy immediately apologised for “opening his big mouth” Muttered “No wonder Matt was behaving himself on this night”, then moved out into the main bar.
He soon located Lulu, who he was looking for. She was small, shapely, cheeky and game for anything which may relieve the boredom, in fact she is a “little ‘devil”. “Hey Lulu, look at Mathew in there, All sad and lonely. Go on I bet you arn’t game to go in there, hop onto his knee and give him a good bussing and cuddle up. I’ll buy you a bottle if you do”. Lulu was game alright, she leaped to the challenge and was soon sitting on Mathew’s knee, practically devouring him. Stumpy kept moving until he located Lucy, Lulu’s sister
“Hey Lucy, look at Lulu in there with Matt. Bet you can’t get on his other knee and steal him from her. Lucy who was very much like her sister, took off like a shot and very soon Mathew was sweating, red faced, grasping for air, drowning in a sea of soft undulating womanhood.
Stumpy strolled hack to the table, sat down watching with interest the gasping Mathew and the squirming women. He spoke directly to the brother who was showing astonishment and keen interest at the activity beside him.
“Well, well, well, it didn’t take old Matt long to get back to his usual Saturday night form, did it, even though you are here, don’t go telling his wife now, will you. I don’t, have to sit here watching all this disgusting debauchery all night, I’m going home”. With that, Stumpy stood and walked out into the night.